this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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