just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
