i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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