Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize