oh god the rape fog is back!
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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