Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
