I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
