I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
