Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
