Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
