Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
