You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
