Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
