i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize