It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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