Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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