how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
