Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
