I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
