Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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