when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Randomize