dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
operation have a gay friend backfired
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
