Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
