i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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