i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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