upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Enjoy the penises
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
