Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
she told me i tasted like america
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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