i may or may not be watching the land before time
In America we eat man semen.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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