porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
