need another drink. this is the easiest way
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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