his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
This is the high leading the old right now
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
