no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
