I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
