I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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