i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
