This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
