yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
