an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
