Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
