I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
