I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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