Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
