so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
