It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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