Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
