I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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