That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
