I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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