So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
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