Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
