obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
