I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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