i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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