First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
