You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize