i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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