Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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