If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize