Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
