i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
