Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
