I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
