I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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