fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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