I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
